What Twilight has Taught Me
by peacegirl597
Summary: A list of what the Twilight saga has taught me, and in later chapters what each character, the twi- haters and Stephanie and her writing taught me. This is NOT a parody or crackfic, I absolutely love twilight. No flames please.
1. What Twilight Taught Me

What Twilight has Taught Me:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.

2. The future is not set in stone.

3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.

4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.

5. True love knows no boundaries.

6. Some people are just danger magnets.

7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.

8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!

9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.

10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.

11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.

12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.

13. Family is about more than just blood.

14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.

15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.

16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.

17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.

18. There are exceptions to every rule.

19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.

20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.

21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.

22. Cold hands = Warm heart.

23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.

24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.

25. Romeo was an idiot.

26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.

27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.

28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.

29. Space heaters can be very annoying.

30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

31. Sometimes you have to protect people you love, from people you love

32. Dying in the place of another seems like a good way to go

33. The best way to get rid of someone is at an airport bathroom

34. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes

35. Young werewolves are dangerous

36. Newborns are dangerous

37. But not all of them are blood-crazed

38. Your family is what can motivate you the most

39. You can't just think about the fall, you have to think about the impact too.

40. Love waits

41. Mushroom ravioli and Coke is a good thing to have when you might go into shock.

42. ALWAYS buy the heating-concealed tent when you camp in snowstorms so that you don't have to bring the dog in for warmth.

43. Bear hugs are the best

44. Punching a werewolf in the face is badass.

45. No matter how scary the things around you are, you can find happiness with someone you love.

46. You have to hold on tight, spider monkey

47. Sometimes you can have heaven right in the middle of hell

48. Falling in love is a dangerous thing to do.

49. Nothing will ever compare to your first love.

50. When you hang out with a friend and he kisses you, have a baseball bat ready. Punching him doesn't always do enough damage.

51. Sometimes people make bad decisions, and you have to forgive them

52. People don't always leave because they don't love you anymore- sometimes they leave because they do.

53. No matter what they tell you, they just want what's best for you.

54. You didn't die and you aren't dreaming.

55. Motorcycles are friggin' DANGEROUS!

56. Never let your best guy friend anywhere near your newborn daughter, unless you want him to end up as your son-in-law.

57. Love knows no age, boundaries, or time. It comes and goes and sometimes is hidden behind a disguise.

58. Strive to be 'the third wife' whenever you can.

59. Stephanie Meyer is a god.

60. No matter how bad things seems, it will get better. You just have to stay with your family.

61. Hollywood's portrayal of vampires is 100% wrong.

62. Making difficult decisions is a part of life.

63. Both fire and ice will suffice

things that seem relatively harmless can be more dangerous than imaginable- like a paper cut for example…

65. That "Purple is.. cool" (movie quote haha)

67. Bad family life, doesn't mean a bad future

68. Moving on is key

69. Bella got pregnant the first time she had sex, and you can too. Don't assume that because it's only your first time that nothing will happen. Be sure to practice safe sex every time. (I had to do one about sex, I mean c'mon. It's 69)

70. You don't have to be popular, wear makeup, or be someone you're not to find love

71. Sometimes you have to do what's best for yourself, because that's what's best for others too

72. being unique is a good thing

73. It's okay to let people inide, but it's also okay to have privacy.

74. Even fortune tellers mess up sometimes.

75. Love heals all wounds, in more ways than one.


	2. What Edward Taught Me

What Edward Taught Me:

Hearing voices doesn't mean you're crazy

Protect the ones you love no matter what it costs you

Expect the unexpected

Sometimes you need to put mind over matter

What you think is best for someone, isn't always right.

People make mistakes

You have to learn to accept yourself for who you are, not what you are

No matter what, you have a beautiful soul that's worth believing in

The only kind of monster is one that enjoys killing and doing wrong

Despite how long you may have to wait, there is someone out there for you

Morals are an important thing to stick by

It's okay to show off every once and a while

I really have to learn how to play the piano

It isn't the end of the world

Never criticize Romeo again

Volvos are the safest car ever made

I need to buy a silver Volvo

Do what you love

Music in the fifties was good, much better than the sixties or seventies, ugh!

Eighties music was bearable

Be confident, and the others will be jealous

Don't leave the ones you love

You can rise above what you are

You don't have to be a monster

Hold on tight, spider monkey

You can enjoy the bouquet without devouring the wine

It's fun to be a know-it-all

Mountain Lions taste the best.

Freesias smell pretty dang good.

Proposing to a girl might take a few tries

If at first you don't succeed, compromise.

Hurting the one you love is one of the worst things a person can do.

Jealousy isn't worth it

Try to be the good guy when playing dirty doesn't work

Touch someone I love and I will break your jaw. Touch them again and I won't hesitate to break every bone in your body

Black is a pretty ugly color (Jacob black, get it?)

Always remember to bag a few mountain lions

Temptation isn't worth it.

Love and Lust don't always go together… except for when they do.

Not all promises are worth keeping

Then again, some promises are

Heroin is addictive

It might seem bad, but you have to find the silver lining

Sometimes I worry too much

Love waits

It really is worth the pain

You can leave behind your past and look towards the future.

Love is hard… You have to work through it

Stay Safe

Even though something is dangerous and scary, it may be worth the risk in the future

Always respect women

Making drastic decisions and product drastic results

Make the best of every moment

Never underestimate your enemy

Suicide should never be an option

Being fast, strong and desirous doesn't mean you have to use those things to hurt or kill

Sometimes you're wrong

Mind reading is one of the best and worst powers to have

At 107 years old, it's about time to settle down

The one illness I never ever want to have is the Spanish influenza

I _have _to take biology next year

Debussy belongs on my iPod

Classic things can be absolutely amazing

Cars make great bribes

Your past and your memory can haunt you, but sometimes it's good to learn a lesson or two from them

Nobody's perfect

Your soul doesn't just disappear. Everyone has one.

Never give up

Always use protection (wink, wink… nudge, nudge)

Hearts don't have to beat in order to break

If I wasn't mortal enemies with the people I hate, maybe we'd be friends

Proposing using your late mother's ring is very romantic and every guy should do it

There are so many things that could go wrong

You can always find the courage to stop

Depression doesn't last forever

Being protective is both a negative and a positive quality

Wuthering Heights isn't as good as I remember it as from before I read twilight

Mike Newton is the most annoying, immature human being ever to exist… or be fictional, whatever.

Carlisle is a role model

Nobody has the self-control Carlisle has

Power isn't always a good thing to have

Live together, love together, die together

Nothing is impossible

Regardless, I have better reflexes.

I'm stronger than I thought


	3. What Emmett Taught Me

What Emmett Taught Me:

Bear hugs are the best

Sex jokes can be funny

Baseball can only be played in thunderstorms

Jeeps are the coolest car ever

You look extremely badass when you ride standing up with your upper body sticking out of the top of your jeep

Bears are the most fun to kill and wrestle with

Humans shouldn't confront a bear unless they want it to attack them

Adding small profanities into your sentences make them funnier i.e. "Hell Yes!" instead of "Yeah" Or "Badass" vs. "dangerous"

Grizzly Bears are more fun than Black Bears

There are other ways to pick a fight with Demietri

Guardian Angels are always looking out for you… especially blonde ones who save you from bear attacks

I need to work out more in order to get ripped like him

Mind readers are know-it-alls and don't fight fair

You can still be amazing even if you don't have special powers

Strength is more than just physical… its mental, too

Arm wrestling is the best game ever invented to settle disputes

Never give up… eventually you have to win.

Glaring at the new girl won't make you many friends

Human food is the most disgusting thing ever made.

That Bella won't be getting any sleep anytime soon ;)

It's funny when clumsy people fall down

Being carefree is an amazing feeling

Why be upset when you can be happy?

Sometimes couples talk about the National debt in the middle of the night

That "It's about time somebody scored around here."

That "Toddlers are guarding the fort"

That apologies don't count until they're conscious.

To try not to break anything

Smashing houses can be fun

Bella's too tame to be a newborn

Never to go down without a fight

Family is worth fighting for

Sometimes you have to be the level headed one in a relationship

Sometimes you have to be the shoulder to cry on

Big brothers will always protect you

You don't have to be related to be someone's sibling. You just need some love and a little bit of sibling-styled rivalry

Being a jokester is fun!

That "It's hard to be confident when you're surrounded by horse-sized wolves"

Not sending someone out for a bachelor party they don't even really want to go to gives me the right to break their house. Not break into their house- but _break _it.

Giving up simply isn't an option

Go big or go home

Dogs smell

Baseball really is an amazing sport

I need to learn how to do a backflip off of a tree

I have to look for a "monkeyman" while online datin…

Sometimes you work the best with people you hate

Even enemies can work together

People you used to dislike can become your best friends if you let them.

How to wear baseball caps like a swagmaster

Baseball caps are better than snapbacks

Just because you look big and scary, doesn't mean you can't be a big mushy teddybear sometimes

Emmett is going to be the name of one of my children

Team Emmett is way better and less mainstream than Team Edward of Jacob

Sometimes even the best of people fall off the wagon.

Stay away from dark alleys

Stay away from them at night, especially

Being silly is a great way to change topics

You aren't stupid, not matter how you are depicted (like in FANFICS, cough ,cough… I think it's wrong that he looks like some dope in Fanfics)

You don't have to be the main character or the lead to be loved and AMAZING

Size isn't what counts, the inside is what matters most


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